| Wow has it been a long time!! I have this need to get something off my chest, why hello Xanga! Those of you who know me rather well have come to notice my disdain for the typical high school "I love you" to every boyfriend schtick. It's seriously one of my pet peeves! We are going through so many changes and the typical high school relationship doesn't last from one grading period to the next (nine weeks at my high school). Now, I suppose you could call me a cynic, I promise not to bite any heads off, but it's just not my thing. Love is something that should have meaning, but now it seems everyone romantically loves each and every partner at the end of two seconds!! Does this sound familiar, or was there something in the water at my school? Now, I suppose I should develope this thesis further before I sound heartless. Yes, love is wonderful. And I do feel love, I promise! But, I think this is an occurrence that lends to the lower percentage of virgins who actually wait until marriage. Also at my high school was a high pregnancy rate, and a high rate of single moms. Coinsidentally, almost every father loved the mother, but where was he nine months later? In love, with another girl. I know when I was younger, fourteen, I had a boyfriend who "loved" me. Young, impressionable me who was absolutely thrilled to hear I meant so much to someone. It didn't matter he was eighteen, going nowhere, with a baby with another woman. Yes, he had a baby. But what did that matter? He loved me, not her, and I would do anything to keep it thus. I am ashamed to say I did just about anything too, he loved me and always would right? Wrong, I'm not writing this blog for sympathy, I'm writing to hopefully pass on a didactic lesson to a younger girl who still can deny this with an honest conscience. He broke up with me after I refused to have sex with him. Apparently, you had to make love to mean it. So I wound up alone, without my "love". It took me a few similar relationships, in the sense they "loved" and left without staying very long. (My longest relationship before my current one was two months) It really turned me cold for a while, and made me quite the cynic. This was great for my grades, but not for me as a person. I became depressed and self-destructive and it took me quite a while to become someone I didn't hate. Ironically, I found this through another negative experience that snapped me out of this state. When someone, a significant other, "loves" you they won't make you do anything you aren't comfortable with. Example: If he loves you, you don't have to take your clothes off, nor do you have to drink or toke. If she loves you, you don't have to look better, nor buy her something worth your whole paycheck. Have I stopped making sense? I'm sorry. Long rant short, you have to love yourself before you can love another. In high school you haven't reached this step, it's called self-actualization. You can be egotistical in high school, but can you look in the mirror and tell your reflection you love it regaurdless? Is there room in your heart or head for someone else? Into college, this is also something sought after. I'm not the girl that tells every boyfriend that I love them, I believe it took me until I was seventeen to understand that. I might look back in a few years and say I hadn't yet. But, the point being, respect yourself first, but your body and mind first. You can love a brick wall and it will never love you back, please check your heart and make sure your significant other isn't this proverbial wall. =] But when you find love, love fearlessly and selflessly. |
